Although biologically wired to think like a man, raising two daughters has forced Michael Johnson to see the world through the eyes of women, which fostered his interest in gender communication.
This intense interest led him to release his first book on the subject – “Cracking the Boys Club Code.”
“Cracking the Boys Club Code” gives women an insight into the unconscious rules of engagement that men use in the game of business.
Armed with this knowledge, women can easily vary their communication to ensure they are heard, valued and get the outcomes and results they desire.
And Mike knows this better than most. As the founder of Diamond Dynamic, he helps corporations profit though understanding the world’s two most diverse cultures: male and female.
He holds advanced certifications in Neuropsychology, Linguistics and Hypnotherapy and is coauthor of “Getting the Business Breakthrough You Want.
I had the pleasure of talking to Michael to find out just how we can master the art of communicating with men most effectively, both personally and in business. He’s also generously giving away five copies of his just released book to WomanzWorld readers – to be in the draw to receive one, simply leave a comment below this blog post about your experiences of successfully communicating with men in business.
WomanzWorld: What motivated you to write your first book “Cracking the Boys Club Code”?
Michael Johnson: I wrote Cracking the Boys Club Code for three reasons:
- To thank my two daughter, Shea and Sybil, for the honor of being their father and for opening my eyes to the frustrations caused by the inherent differences in the way men and women view and communicate about the world about them.
- To make today’s corporations aware of the unique and complementary skills that women bring to business, and that without those skills, corporations are doomed to mediocrity at best.
- Help women to understand the rules of engagement that men use in business so that they are better able to assume decision-making positions throughout the corporate structure, from manager to CEO to board member.
What are the key insights your book provides to women?
In general men don’t consciously try to keep women from advancing. Men view business as a game called “I Win, You Lose – Next Game” and as a result they are looking for team members who can help the team win, period. Men aren’t really concerned with gender, race, sexuality and so on as much as they are with whether the person can help the team win. Men have a set of unconscious rules that they use to choose team members
Women, on the other hand, play the game called “We all must win.” Unfortunately many of ways in which women naturally communicate results in them sending signals that they are not going to be a good team member (this is not true but perceptions are reality to those holding them). My book provides insights that allow women to be seen as good team members, which results in them getting invited to join the team.
What are the key takeaways you’d like your readers to have?
- In general men don’t consciously try to keep women from advancing.
- Corporations need the unique skills that women bring to the table to survive in today’s global economy.
- Neuroscience has now proven that female and male brains are physically different, dispelling the notion that it is only socialization that makes us different.
- Just like each culture has its own rules, rituals and customs, so does each gender.
- Each gender has its own set of unique strengths that when combined produce a result that is greater than the sum of the parts.
- Each gender assumes that the other understands the world in the same way as they do, which produces conflict.
Do you think the business landscape is changing for women?
Yes, but slowly. Women control/influence approximately 85% of all purchasing decisions, yet they only occupy about 16% of all management positions in corporate America.
Many women are opting out and starting their own companies at a record rate.
WomanzWorld is excited to have Mike join us on a monthly basis to give more key insights in a guest post.
Mike lectures for San Jose State College of Business, UCSC and the Haas Graduate School of Business at U.C. Berkeley on entrepreneurship.
He’s on the board of the Association for Corporate Growth and a member of Boardroom Bound, an organization dedicated to assisting women in preparing for and obtaining board positions in corporate America. He is also a mentor for Astia, a non-profit helping women-owned businesses obtain funding.
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I have owned a design and communication studio for over six years and I have noticed a distinct difference in how I deal with male vs. female clients. I definitely find myself embodying more “male energy” with men who tend to be more direct, factual and want results fast without too much discussion or going back and forth. They tend to make decisions faster than some of my female clients. Recently, I’ve had some challenges with some male clients who try to take advantage of my services – really I think because they think they can or at least want to try. I have a very young sounding voice but if I am very clear about my position I don’t back down and then I find them respecting my wishes or viewpoint and they come around.
My female clients connect with me more on an emotional level and like to go into greater detail about the bigger picture, what they’re feeling and why they’re doing what they’re doing. Even then, I find my more “male energy” at work, as an expert in what I do, comes in handy so that I keep them focused on what needs to be done systematically and directly. It often depends on the industry the client is in too. A client who is from a strong corporate background vs. a yoga instructor have very different approaches to their business strategy.
With experience I’ve learned to gauge how much “male energy” I need to bring to the table with each client and I’ve realized it’s not so much whether they are male or female but also what industry they’re in which is determined by their personality, lifestyle, attitudes and career goals. Finally, a good dose of my feminine energy, creativity and EQ does a world of good for someone like a CFO who is locked into a certain way of thinking and is finding it difficult to take things to the next level. In the end its about finding a balance with each unique client and situation.
I hope some of this makes sense. I’m looking forward to reading the book!
Thanks Christina for that fantastic response on your own experiences and how you deal with both your male and female business clients. You’ve won yourself a copy of the book.
I haven’t read this book, so I can’t give an opinion on the content, but am I the only one who gets a creepy feeling from the cover? To me, the cover says not that we should understand how men communicate, but that we should be more like them and less like ourselves if we want to succeed. The woman in a mustache is the women wearing a costume to hide her true self. To me, it is reminiscent of the old dress-for-success days when we were all told to wear navy blue suits (even ties!) to succeed in business. Can’t we please leave those days behind?!
The concept of men being “I win, you lose” also seems old school to me. I’m not saying those men don’t exist, but I work with male executives every day who live and advocate a more inclusive model. In fact, in the world of socially responsible and sustainable business, “we’re all in this together” is a mantra for success among a new generation of leaders.
There are differences between the genders and between the generations and between cultures. It is wonderful to learn about each other and how we might understand each other for our mutual benefit. But please don’t tell me that it’s us against them, or that I must be more like an old-school “boy’s club” member to have success. That’s not new thinking and not the lesson that I want to pass on to my son or daughter. “We all must win” is not a game. Our future as a nation and as a planet depends on it.
I bet this is a very interesting book to read indeed! Before deciding to start my own business, I spent several years working in the corporate world of a male-dominant industry. It was clear that any female within this industry had to work harder to be taken as seriously as their male co-workers. I remember having many a conversation with my female co-workers about the whole “boys club” mentality that was prevalent not just within our industry but also within our own office.
I am really curious to read a man’s point of view on how a woman can “crack the boy’s club code” as I know that fierce “I am female, hear me roar” is usually not the best approach when it comes to equality in the boardroom.
I agree with Christina’s comment above that learning to “gauge male energy” is a valuable asset in the world of business!
Thanks for your comments Pam. I agree the cover could be deemed a little odd, if it causes people to take notice though, then I’d say from a marketing viewpoint it’s doing its job.
The book is actually all about how men and women can work well together being true to themselves, and recognizing the different ways we communicate to make working relationships more successful.
The phrase “I win, you lose”, is how men often view their business dealings, this is what Michael is referring to, and that women do not approach it that way. This book definitely does not advocate a `them vs us’ point of view, but instead highlights just how empowering collaboration and communication can be to both genders. You’ve won a copy of the book so you can judge for yourself and share your feedback!
Hi Christina
You are definitely a great communicator! Adapting your communication style to match that of another is the hallmark of a great communicator. You are correct most males tend to be single issue, bottom line focused and matching that style makes for a productive meeting.
In the book, I tell a story of two businesswomen traveling overseas to pitch their product to a foreign client. Both are equally prepared for the meeting and have competitive products. The only difference is one of them has taken the time to learn the business culture of the client while the other has assumed that the client will adapt to theirs. Who will most likely win the contract? Obviously the businesswoman who honored the client’s business culture. Did she give away any power by adapting her communication? Obviously not. In fact she actually increased her power. She had more influence!
The world’s two most diverse cultures are that of male and female. Each has its own values, beliefs and rituals. Like our businesswoman, understanding the opposite gender’s culture gives you information on how to vary your communication to get the outcomes you desire.
I am not saying that you have to act like a man to succeed in business, quite the contrary. That is inauthentic and doesn’t work. In fact it creates problems for now the focus is on the inauthenticity; a woman trying to be a man (or a man trying to act like a woman). It’s phony.
My daughter Shea is Sheriff in California and is regularly called in to handle situations where a belligerent male is involved, especially hostage situations. Why do they call her in as opposed to a male? Because she has (and so do you!) the winning combination to influence males. She adapts her communication (firm, direct, bottom line) while retaining her authenticity as a woman (she retains her feminine energy). She has “sold many tickets to jail” to men strung out on meth to gang leaders and felons, without any use of force. That’s power! She has it and so do you!
I also want to congratulate you on standing your ground with those men who tried to take advantage of you because of your young sounding voice. You “flexed you power” by standing firm which is the right thing to do. A point I would like to make is that those male clients did not try to take advantage of you because you were a woman; they did it because they felt you would back down. They would do the same thing to another man in a heartbeat. Even though it may seem like it is; it is not personal.
Please visit my websites: http://www.CrackingTheBoysClubCode.com or http://www.Diamond-Dynamic.com
Hi Pam
I want to thank you for sharing your comments about the cover of my book: Cracking the Boys Club Code. I have to admit finding a title and cover was harder than writing the book itself. Well almost! The final cover was chosen partly because grabs attention but mostly because I hoped it would convey the unbelievable power women bring to the table.
I thought those eyes, so full of power, staring out behind the moustache would convey the natural power women bring to the corporate world. I felt the eyes overpowered the moustache. At least that was the message I wanted to send. Please read my response to Christine for a better understanding of where I am coming from.
The “I Win-You Lose, Next Game™” is used to denote that males by Nature are hierarchical. And I do not think that is going to change anytime soon. Men see the world as an endless series of games where someone wins and someone loses. Once the game is over, it is over and we get ready for the next game. Believe it or not, we think this is great fun! (I know we are sick puppies?)
In the corporate world men are constantly building teams that win and are on the lookout for members who can help the team do so. Race, gender, age, etc. take a back seat in the decision process. In fact men even choose members they don’t like! It is all about building teams that win.
I am not saying that we don’t care about collaboration, social responsibility, etc., we do. However there is always a competitive edge to it. Men are not naturally collaborative. We are competitive, individualist and hierarchical. We focus on things first, people second.
Women on the other hand focus on people first, then things. Therein lays the beauty Nature has given us; the balancing energies of Ying and Yang. Each supports and contributes to the other so that in balance, the outcome of the combined efforts produces a result that is greater than the sum of the individual parts.
Corporations desperately need more women in the top executive positions! Women control over 85% of the purchasing decisions, yet represent less than 17% of corporate management. What’s up with that?
My hope is that Cracking the Boys Club Code will make a difference in helping women attain more and higher positions within the corporate world and change those statistics.
Please visit my websites: http://www.CrackingTheBoysClubCode.com or http://www.Diamond-Dynamic.com You may contact me at mike2diamond-Dynamic.com or 831-688-6811
The book reminds me of a talk I saw a while ago by futurologist Ian Pearson. Interesting chap – he says that the shifting employment landscape will offer more jobs for women, both in terms of creating more typically female roles and, in more senior jobs, the working practices being more conducive to allowing women to succeed. I’m somewhat dubious as to whether we should be asserting differences in working practices as inherently male or female but still feel that, with the current state of the union, the discussion is important.
I’ve been waiting for a book like this for a while now. The book’s premise that men don’t consciously try to keep women from advancing and that they simply have different ‘rules of engagement’ lines up pretty well with what I’ve learned and observed in my career and life.
I’ve worked mostly with men throughout my career (I’m an engineer by training) and early in my career I found that the guys were very supportive and genuinely wanted me to succeed. I didn’t really believe in the whole glass ceiling thing. However, as I progressed up into executive levels I started to notice some rather unsettling themes that kept reoccurring (I won’t go into them here but they’re pretty typical ones that a lot of executive women seem to run into). I started to think that maybe these guys were trying to keep me ‘out of their club’ after all.
My view is different now, more aligned with what Mike is saying in this book. The light bulb really went on for me a few years ago when I saw just how differently my two young kids, a girl and boy, interacted with the world. Their communication styles are very different and many of the stereotypes about girls and boys fitted them perfectly. Watching how my son reacts when I say things one way versus another has been especially enlightening and instructive. The reactions and behaviors I saw in my 5 year old son were often similar to what I had observed on the male dominated boards I served on. This led to my belief that there are some important cultural and communication differences that are biologically based. If I am to succeed in a mostly male dominated workplace then I’d better learn what those nuances are and how to use them to my advantage.
Thanks for your great response Jenny. It’s clear that you’ve gone through a lot of analysis over the years in your dealings and roles about what works and what doesn’t in terms of gender communication. It’s important that we don’t take the differences personally, but instead learn to understand and appreciate the nuances to better engage our natural tendencies in communication.
Thanks ladies who have provided comments, you’ll each be receiving a copy of Mike’s book and I’m sure he’d love your reviews on it!
Thanks Jenny I could not have said it better. I too do not believe there is a glass ceiling in the workplace, True their as some jerks, but I think they are few. I just don’t think men spend much time plotting to keep women down. We tend to act first then worry about the consequences! We get big points from other males by acting boldly even when we don’t have a clue. Has anyone experienced that???
Besides even if there was a “glass ceiling” I don’t think it is useful concept for it then puts one into the victim mentality: “I can’t because the glass ceiling is preventing me.” I like Henry Ford’s quote: “One person thinks they can, another that they cannot. Both are correct.” I think the former belief is more useful.
Isn’t it great that Nature has design us so differently. Makes things soooo interesting!
Thank you for your great input